How to talk with children about suicide

Suicide is a difficult topic. Discussing suicide with young children can add additional challenges.

Dr. Kelsey Bradshaw, lead clinical psychologist at the Child and Adolescent Program at Sharp Mesa Vista, shares age-appropriate tips for talking with your child about suicide and what to do if you notice a change in their behavior.

Some changes may signal a need for professional help, as children often communicate distress through behaviors and actions rather than what they say.

Helping children understand suicide

A common misconception is that young children do not think about suicide. When a loved one passes from suicide, try to be honest instead of vague in an effort to protect the child. “It is important to be honest, concrete, simple and developmentally appropriate,” says Dr. Bradshaw.

Dr. Bradshaw explains it's OK to say the person died by suicide and to give a simple explanation of this if your child doesn’t yet understand. However, it's important to avoid statements like “committed suicide” that are further stigmatizing. Instead, say that the person “died by suicide.”

Also avoid euphemisms, such as "went to sleep" or "passed away," because they can confuse children and increase anxiety about sleep or separation.

Dr. Bradshaw says to talk honestly about the loved one who has passed. “If the person had a mental health condition, it's OK to share that,” he says. “We often try to focus only on the positive, but it's an opportunity to emphasize balance and make space for all emotions we may feel.

You should also admit what you don't know and share the questions you may have. Children look to adults as examples of how to handle the loss of a loved one. Describing your feelings, questions and concerns can help your child identify theirs.

Conversations about a person's death may also come up again and can be revisited to continue to help your child work through what has happened. If you find the conversation difficult, it can help to seek professional support to guide you both through the grieving process.

Signs your child may need help coping

Dr. Bradshaw identifies a few warning signs to watch for while your child is processing a loss:

• Talk: Changes in patterns can include the child talking about killing themselves; describing feelings of hopelessness, helplessness and worthlessness; and sharing that they feel they are a burden or are experiencing unbearable pain.

• Behavior: Children may show changes in behaviors or develop new ones. These may include drug use or an increase in use, researching methods on how to end their life, isolating from family and friends, changes in sleep patterns, aggression, fatigue, giving away possessions, and saying goodbye to important people in their life.

• Mood: People considering suicide may experience depression, anxiety, irritability, shame, anger or agitation, and relief or sudden improvement in mood.

How parents and others can help

According to the American Association of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, talking about suicide does not encourage it. Having a conversation about how your child is feeling and whether they are thinking about suicide can show them that you care and give them an opportunity to talk about their concerns.

Ask your child if they are feeling sad or depressed, if they are thinking about killing themselves, or if they have ever thought about it. If so, talk with your child's doctor and remember that other resources are available:

• The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is reachable by calling or texting just three numbers — 988 — from anywhere in the country.

• The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is a voluntary health organization that gives those affected by suicide a nationwide community empowered by research, education and advocacy.

• You Matter is a safe space for youth to discuss and share stories about mental health and wellness, created and administered by the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

• The Trevor Project offers crisis intervention and suicide prevention services for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning (LGBTQ) young people under 25.

If you’re the parent of a child struggling with serious behavioral issues, Sharp Mesa Vista can help. Learn more about Sharp Mesa Vista’s child and adolescent services or call 858-836-8434.