The power of acceptance

By The Health News Team | May 8, 2026

Should, could and would. These seemingly innocent words are pervasive in our thoughts and conversations. While it’s natural to reflect on how a certain situation might be different in hindsight, getting stuck on these thoughts can negatively impact your mental health.

"Fixating on how you think past events should or shouldn't have been, or what you should or shouldn't have done, can hinder the healing process,” says Lori Alford, a licensed clinical social worker at Sharp Grossmont Hospital for Behavioral Health. "It reinforces or intensifies the emotions you're struggling with, making it more difficult to move forward."

Ultimately, Alford continues, it is the way we are thinking — not the events themselves — that causes us to struggle and get stuck. However, one way you can shift away from unhealthy negative thought patterns is to practice a philosophy of acceptance, she says.

What is acceptance?

Acceptance means fully acknowledging a situation, but it does not imply agreement or that you like what happened.

According to Alford, it means letting go of replaying how something shouldn't have occurred and releasing the struggle of 'should've, would've, could've.’ It's reminding yourself that, as undesirable as it was, it did happen — that acknowledgment can help you move forward.

It also means letting go of the expectation that life or other people always meet your expectations, or that you yourself live up to a perfect standard. Acceptance invites self-compassion, simply because you are human and make mistakes.

Tools for moving forward

In Sharp Grossmont’s mood and dual recovery intensive outpatient programs, participants learn to understand and practice acceptance to better cope with current and past challenges.

The programs take place in a group setting, where participants learn to recognize thought patterns that fuel difficult emotions. Through guided discussion and practice, they move away from demand thinking — the belief that life or others must be different — toward accepting reality as it is.

“We practice self-acceptance, focusing energy on what we can control and healthy next steps to move forward,” says Alford.

Perspectives

Accepting a situation is not about denying your feelings; it's knowing that you cannot change the past or control others — only yourself. Instead of fighting the feelings attached to something, acknowledge them and move forward.

Patients of the group share the following experiences with practicing acceptance:

“For me, acceptance means surrendering to win.” — Angela
“When I accept I cannot control other people, events or situations, it’s like putting those negative thoughts in a balloon and watching them go. I feel light and clear-headed.” — Monique
“By simply acknowledging and accepting things, you can begin the process of meaningful self-improvement.” — Brenda
“Understand that it will take time and practice to develop true acceptance. It doesn’t happen in an instant.” — David

Tips for practicing acceptance

Alford offers these helpful strategies toward acceptance:

Pay attention to internal cues.

Notice when you are making absolutistic demands about yourself, someone else or life circumstances — thinking that you, they or the situation should or shouldn't be a certain way. Challenge those thoughts. Notice the emotions, like anger or anxiety, and physical sensations, like tension, that arise with this thinking.

Delineate what you can and cannot control.

Ask yourself, "Is this within my power to change?" If it is not — such as past events, other people's choices or external factors — acknowledge it. Consciously put your energy only into what you can control: your thoughts, responses and next steps.

Develop a philosophy and language of acceptance.

Shift your mindset from demands — "It must be this way" — to preferences — "I would prefer this, but I can handle it if it isn't." Remind yourself that life and people are imperfect. Have ready-made coping statements to help you disengage from fighting the past, such as, "Although I don't like it, this is what happened. Now, what can I do?"

Let your body help you.

Relax tense muscles and physically loosen up while you meditate on something you're having a hard time accepting. Start with small things that don't significantly upset you. Try breathing in acceptance and breathing out resistance.

Repeat.

Repeat these steps if you notice yourself getting overcritical, dissatisfied or judgmental about people, places and situations. Pay attention to the emotional state that goes along with this — perhaps anger, anxiety or deep sadness. Notice where you feel it in your body. Practice breathing and relaxing, and work on adjusting the unhelpful thinking that keeps you stuck.

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The Health News Team

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The Sharp Health News Team are content authors who write and produce stories about Sharp HealthCare and its hospitals, clinics, medical groups and health plan.